Mustering Through Perseverance

With the new year approaching, I’ve thought a lot about the highs and lows of 2023. I’ve also thought about my word for the year: perseverance.

In many ways, 2023 was, yet again, another growing year. 

God showed me richness and peace, a peace I’ve never experienced. 

I persevered through doubts and fears. 

And I’m beyond thankful for ongoing clients and a growing income—a year of recognized dreams and proud accomplishments. 

Many areas of my life feel full yet simultaneously empty. 

Throughout the years, I’ve felt the daggers of disappointment and, at times, feel equally misunderstood. 

I still question myself: am I too much? 

Am I too much for putting my physical or mental health first?

Am I too much for most people because I feel so deeply?

Am I too much because I have severe food allergies and experienced anaphylaxis twice?

Am I too much because I can’t handle candles/scents, which sends me into asthma attacks?

Am I too much for most people, even with the best, kind-hearted intentions?

Oh, how I could go on…

But I’m learning. I’m growing each year as I find myself more and more, little by little.

The cluster of negative voices vanish with time, and toxic patterns dwindle.

While I put myself out there in 2023, I also isolated myself. 

I found confidence and also battled self-doubt. 

And I found joy amid the pain. 

Lastly, I found community through The Way Back to Ourselves. A community I never knew I needed but one I prayed for—being an editor and contributor there is incredibly life-giving.

What we hope for in our lives doesn’t always come true, but sometimes blessings come in tiny doses. 

If you’re feeling triggered this holiday season, please know you’re safe, okay, and loved. It’s okay to be thankful and still feel heavy. It’s okay to feel scared when fear and hopelessness fill the room. 

As you experience the tiny joys between the sorrows, you’ll also realize healing is possible.

We may not understand everything in this lifetime here on earth, but authenticity can heal wounds and change the world. That’s what I want to see more of going forward. And I can’t wait to see what God has in store for 2024. 

May we all find bravery. May we find the spark that ignites our deepest desires to heal and persevere.